What an absolute gesture of love. He must have ordered it last weekend, when I was really unwell, and other than hugs and hot drinks he didn’t know what to do to help. He’s a very capable confident man, but when his girlfriend is a shaky mess of anxious nightmares he feels a bit helpless. I didn’t know such a thing existed but a weighted blanket is good for anxiety and other issues as it serves as a full body calming device. It arrived a couple of days ago, and as I delightedly opened up the weighty package, he said, ‘you know, for when I’m not here and I can’t hug you.’
Oh my sweet love, what a beautiful thought. He worries about the week when he’s working nightshifts as much as I do. So far most of my panicky times have been when I’m on my own at night, and he knows this, having returned from many a night shift at 7am worried if I’ve slept through the night or not. With my recent tumble into anxiety, he has very cleverly prepared for two weeks ahead when he’s next on nights by purchasing a blanket that will trick my trembling body into believing he’s got his arms around me when he hasn’t.
I cried with love and gratitude, as we tried to work out how it was made – sand filled segments it seems – and spent the rest of the weekend curled up under its reassuringly soporific security.
And then last night I got a very brief glimmer of fear again. I lay awake feeling the surges of adrenaline course down my back at 3am. Not wanting to disturb my love, I lay there trying to breathe it away, until the requisite sudden visit to the loo, after which I gathered up my magic blanket from the sofa and quietly rearranged myself back in bed with the heavy grey covering draped over me from head to foot. And I fell fast asleep. It worked! Didn’t even wake him up.
So as well as my many mental techniques and tricks for overcoming anxiety, I now have this gorgeous soft heavy bit of kit to back it all up, full of sand and full of love.
Thank you my love x